KOMEZA URUKUNDO

Mu gihe witwaye uko wishakiye, amahirwe yo kubura inshuti, ugasigara uri nyakamwe aba ari kwiyongera

Mu buzima busanzwe, Ikiri ukuri ni uko umuntu akunda undi kubera inyungu amutegerejeho.  Aha turavuga urukundo nyarwo ndetse n’ibyitwa urukundo. Ushobora gukunda umuntu /kumubeshya ko umukunda/ ugamije:

1.     Kumugira umugore-umugabo- wawe

2.     Kumwishimishaho- kumugira igikoresho wishimishirizaho (objet de plaisir) ugamije ubusambanyi (love affair[1], free love[2])

3.     Kumugira inshuti ikugira inama; umwe wisanzuraho ukamubwira amabanga yawe n’ibikuremererye

4.     Kuzamunyuraho (kuzamwifashisha) kugira ngo ugere aho ushaka- ubone icyo utari ushoboye kwigezaho- ugere kuwo wari warabuze uko ugeraho, (cupboard love[3]). Akenshi rurangirana no kubona icyo wari ugamije.

5.     Kwirinda kwigunga, mbese kugira ngo we kugaragara nka nyakamwe mu bandi- ujye ubona uwo muganira, mutemberana...

Mu rukundo nyarukundo, ukundwa aba yifuza gukorerwa ibyo akora (reciprocity in love). Nta muntu wakwishimira kugukunda mu gihe utamukorera ibyiza nk’ibyo agukorera, nta bushake ufite bwo kurenzaho kugira ngo mukomeze kuryoherwa n’imibanire mufitanye. Mu bituma abantu batandukana, cyangwa imibanire yabo izamo agatotsi, twavuga nk’ibi bikurikira:

1.     Kwanga kugirwa inama; niba nkukunda ngo ungire inama, ukaba udashaka kuzigirwa, ubwo twakosorana dute? Umuntu utagirwa inama aba yumva ko ibyo atekereza byose biba bitunganye, ntatana na wa mugani uvuga ngo ‘amafuti y’umugabo nibwo buryo bwe’, bityo agashyigikirwa na wo ashaka kumvikanisha amakosa ye.

2.     Kubonwa nk’uwita ku bintu kuberako ubikeneye; hari abantu bashimishwa no kwaka service nyamara wabahingukaho bakitwara nk’abatumvise cyangwa nk’aho ibyo ubasaba nta gaciro gakomeye bifite cyangwa ko bishobora kuzakorwa mu gihe kizaza. Ibi birababaza kuko bituma wumvako ibiguhangayikishije ntacyo bivuze ku nshuti yawe.

3.     Kubonwa nk’utatanga igitekerezo kizima; iyo nta cyiza kivamo, nta jambo rizima rigusohokamo, biba bigoye kugumana n’uwo mukundana kuko aba abona nta bumuntu yagukesha

4.     Guhora mu bitekerezo bimwe kandi bibi; ufite ubwenge arakwitondera kuko azi neza ko umuntu agomba gukosorwa na mugenzi we, byananirana akakugendera kure azirikana ko ikirayi cyaboze gishobora kwangiza umufuka wose mu gihe kitavanywe mu bindi.

5.     Guhora mu makosa no kuyagwishamo uwo mukundana; umuntu wifuza kuba imfura, ntashimishwa no guhora mu makosa cyangwa kumva avugwa nabi kubera mugenzi we. Niba umuntu agukunda by’ukuri azagumana nawe nyamara atangire no kudashimishwa n’uko muba kumwe mu gihe runaka.

6.     Kutamenya imiterere (personality[4]) y’uwo mukundana; gukundana bikomezwa no kumenyana, kwizerana no kubahana. Buri umwe akamenya intege nke ze n’iza mugenzi we, akaziheraho amukosora.

Wowe umaze gusoma ibi, ufashe mugambi ki kugira ngo ukomeze ubushuti bwawe? Tangira ukosore aho bitagenda neza bityo ugumane n’inshuti zawe kandi urwo mukundana rukomere kandi rurambe!

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[1] A romantic and sexual relationship between two people who are not married to each other

[2] Sexual activity with several partners which does not involve loyalty to any particular person

[3] Love shown by someone, typically a child or an animal, in order to get what they want

[4] The type of person you are, which is shown by the way you behave, feel and think

 

Wihubuka usaba ubushuti

   Wihubuka usaba ubushuti

 

Ihame ni uko buri wese agomba gushaka inshuti bisungana mu muhamagaro wo gushinga urugo, kireka bamwe babibuzwa no kwegukira Imana n’ababiterwa n’uburwayi[1]. Icyibazwa kenshi mu rubyiruko ni iki: ‘umugore w’umutima azabonwa na nde? Ko asumbije agaciro amasaro meza![2]’ Nibyo koko, uw’umutima ni isaro ry’agaciro rishakishwa na buri wese. Umuntu wifuza ko muzabana, muharanira ko ugushaka kw’Imana gusohorezwa muri mwe, ni inshuti ya ngombwa mu buzima, mugomba kubana kugeza ku iherezo ry’ubuzima kuko Imana ubwayo idashimishwa n’itandukana ry’abashakanye, yo ibaza iti: “‘uwo ni nde ubangamiye umugambi wanjye, yishingikirije amagambo ye y’amahomvu?[3]” Ni ngombwa kwitonda cyane kugira ngo utegure neza ahazaza hawe nk’umwe mu bahagarariye umuryango. Umuntu yari akwiriye gufata igihe gihagije cyo kwitekerezaho akibaza ibibazo nk’ibi: ndi muntu ki? nifuza kuzabaho nte? nzabigeraho gute?  aho mfite integenke (weakness) zanjye ni izihe? Ibisubizo ubona ni byo byakagombye kugufasha mu gutekereza no guhitamo inshuti wifuza; imwe muzafatanya ikwihanganira mu ntegenke zawe, ikakugeza ku byo wifuza mufatanije. Wowe uhamagarirwa gushinga urugo, usabwa iki mu rugendo ruguhuza n’uwo Imana yakugeneye?

1.     Gusenga

Turabizi kandi turabyemera ko ‘Imana ari yo yatangije ugushyingirwa, irema muntu mu ishusho yayo; Umugabo akurwa mu gitaka naho umugore akurwa mu rubavu rw’umugabo[4]. Urugo rwa mbere rwatangijwe n’Imana, niyo yashakiye Adam umufasha umukwiye; nguyu umuranga mwiza wo kwizerwa tugomba guhungiraho kandi tukamwumvira kugira ngo tutiyicira ubukwe n’urugo. Dusenge Imana, tuyiginge tuyitura ibyifuzo byacu bityo ejo natwe tuziyamirire tuvuga tuti “Koko uri mwiza, mukobwa nkunda, koko uri mwiza![5]” Muvandimwe, menya ko nta muhamagaro utagira umusaraba; urugendo rw’umuhamagaro ntirutana no kugeragezwa - ibishuko, ibitotezo...Yezu ati: “nimwambaze kugira ngo mutagwa mu bishuko[6]”; gusenga bituma ducika ibishuko, ari byo twibonera cyangwa ibyo tutabona. Niyo mpamvu isengesho ari ngombwa igihe n’imburagihe mu buzima bw’uwemera; rirakenewe kurenza uko tubyiyumvisha.

2.     Kwitegereza neza

Uzitegereza nde ko ukikijwe na benshi: ufite ibintu n’amafaranga, ufite amashuri, uvuka mu muryango ukomeye...? Aho uherereye, cyangwa hirya no hino hari benshi batandukanye cyane kandi muhuje urugendo rw’umuhamagaro. Tuvugeko hari abaguruka nta mababa, hari abiruka nta feri, hari abatuje n’abanyarusaku nk’isande, hari abanyamutima n’abapfayongo, hari ingegera n’amahabara, hakaba...kandi aba bose baracyeye; barirunze kurusha ifunguro ry’abakire, yemwe barushanwa gucya kuruta amarangi agezweho. biratangaje! Wowe ushakisha; umukobwa ukunyuzeho wese siko yakubera umugore, n’umuhungu muhuye ukuvugishije wese siko yakubera umugabo. Mu magana yose, uwawe ni umwe! Reba neza, witegereze kandi ufate umwanya uhagije witegereza kugira ngo, byibura uko bishoboka, ubashe gutandukanya umupfu n’umunyamutima.

Wireba uburanga kuko burangaza, wireba ikimero kuko gihindukana n’ikigero cy’ubukure kandi ibyo byose iyo iminsi yabyugarije barakendera. Uri mu nzira nziza, narenge ibi byose, yitegerezo ubuhanga. Uwo munyabuhanga uzamubwirwa n’iki, ko benshi twigize ‘bamenya’? Yakobo ati ‘Ni nde w’umuhanga n’umunyabwenge muri mwe? Nabyerekanishe imyifatire ye myiza, ko ibikorwa bye byuzuye ituze n’ubuhanga[7]’. Nguko uko uzamenya uwakubera mwiza cyane mu gushinga urugo.

3.     Kwegera uwo ushima

Nyuma yo gufata umwanya uhagije wo kumwitegereza, gerageza umwegere muri bya bikorwa bibahuza (korali, kwiga, gucuruza, amakoraniro y’abasenga, n’ibindi bihuza abantu). Ibi bizagufasha kurushaho kuvumbura uko ateye - personality- kuko kwibwira ko uzi umuntu kandi nta kibahuza ngo muganire uba wibeshya. hari abagerageza guhisha uko bateye ariko mwaganira ukamufatira mu byo avuga, ukamenya ko ateye nk’uko umubona cyangwa bihabanye nk’uko abonwa. Iyi si intambwe yo kumubwira ko umukunda cyangwa kumusaba gukundana, ahubwo ni umwanya wo kugira ngo ibyo wamenye umubona ubishimangire muganira ibintu bisanzwe (ubuzima) bitari urukundo. Kandi ibyo wakora byose, ‘ntuzibonemo ubuhanga, ahubwo uzatinye Uhoraho kandi wirinde ikibi, bizatuma umubiri wawe unoga, n’ingigo zawe zose zigororoke[8].’

4.     Musabe urukundo

Wowe usaba urukundo, urarufite cyangwa ni agahararo, kwikunda, irari n’ibindi bamwe bitiranya n’urukundo? Hari igihe wasanga uri gusaba icyo utazi, wagihabwa ugatangira kwicuza, hakaba n’ubwo icyo usaba wagihabwa nabi bigatuma usa n’uzinutswe iyo nzira ndetse birashoboka ko wanasaba ko umuntu agukunda nyamara we akaguharara. Wihubuka! Umaze kumenya ko mwakomeza kwigana muri inshuti, tera indi ntambwe; musabe gufatanya urugendo ruzabageza ku ishyingirwa, umwemerere ko umubereye sheri nk’uko abakundana bakunze kwitana. Aha ho mwaganira ku mishinga y’ubuzima bwanyu nk’umuryango ari nako mukomeza kwigana kugira ngo buri umwe arusheho kuvumbura ibyo ataramenya ku mukunzi we.

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[1] Soma Mt. 19,10-12

[2] Imig.31,10

[3] Yob.38,2

[4] Soma amateka y’iremwa rya muntu (Intg.1,26-28;2.20-23)

[5] Ind.1,15

[6] Lk.22,40

[7] Yak.3,123

[8] Imig.3,7-8